Addicted
by small light
Summary: Ryoma's thought's while he watches Sakuno sleep


I watch you sleeping and can't help but smile. I hold you tight against my chest and you happily accept my warmth molding your body against my own. It never fails to amaze how perfectly you fit inside my arms, as if you were made for me and I for you. Sometimes I'm afraid, afraid that this is all a dream and you will disappear with the coming light. You will disappear and leave me alone.

Strange, how that one word terrifies me this days. I used to be such a lonely creature; I adored the silence and peace that came with it, the simplicity of life. No feelings to muddle it up, no people to confuse you or force useless things upon yourself. I was my best and only friend. When did loneliness become so overbearing? When did your mere presence become such a necessity? I don't know…

The first time I saw you I wanted to hate you. People like you made me unreasonably angry, people that had thousands of dreams that would never come true, your innocence annoyed me and your kindness irritated me. You were never mad never did you yell at anyone never said a cruel word even if you should have. What I hated most of all was the fate that expected you, the cruel reality you would have to face. I didn't like the thought of seeing you die so I told myself you weren't important you didn't matter I should forget you. and I did, albeit not completely but enough so that the next time we met I didn't recognize you, didn't remember your name or face.

I can never say I fell in love at first sight for the one I love isn't the 12 year old child but the 18 year old woman that took my life and turned it upside down. You are probably the only person that can surprise me and man was I surprised then.

The next time we met I came in for a routine check up and you were the nurse that was supposed to take some blood. When I heard the door open I was expecting a fat old angry lady that couldn't wait to stick a needle in me. But you came in instead; long brown hair tightly tied in a high ponytail, a few rogue wisps framing your face, eyes the color of chocolate and cherry tinted lips. I wanted to say something nice but ended up in offending you. That was the first time you surprised me, I never saw someone so calm yet so furious. Never thought you had a temper much less that you could keep it in check. Teasing you was fun, it still is.

I soon discovered that you were still the same kid with a million dreams but there was something more, something that ran deeper than you would allow me to see. It made you strong, strong enough to stand up for what you believed in, never let anyone tell you that what you do is useless or wrong. You had faith not only in others like you did before but in yourself.

Soon I began to realize that the walls I worked so hard to put around my heart were falling apart. I started to want your company more and more until the emptiness I felt without you in my arms was overwhelming, but I still thought I could let you go.

Do you know when you surprised me the most? It was the day I wanted to quit tennis. Remember… I won my father that day and suddenly everything seemed without meaning. I never thought you would hit me but you did. Your slap hurt more than anything because it came from you. Remember what you told me than what you screamed at me when I asked you why? Because I can't stand fools and cowards. Why are you so afraid to fight for what you love?>

I never thought about tennis like that, but I guess you were right, **no**, I know now you were right, but I was too stubborn to admit it back then. Why should I?

I caught a cold after that, it was really bad, but you were right there by my side. Your calm voice soothed me and before long it became like a drug. Every night you would talk to me about this and that till I fell asleep, than you would place your head next to my pillow and fall asleep as well. How do I know this? Simple I never went to sleep before you, for as soothing as your voice might be the feeling of your arm loosely draped around my chest was far better.

After that I had to admit to myself that I lost. I've lost my heart in that warm place that only you know the key to.

On our wedding day I was a nervous wreck. I was afraid you came to your senses and left or that I could never offer you the life you deserved and yet the minute you walked down the aisle with steady steps and the brightest smile I've seen my worries seemed so petty. I looked at you and I realized that you where like a butterfly, beautiful beyond belief and so fragile that a mere touch could end your life. Yet you survived the storms and winters unruffled and came back more beautiful than before.

You are an illusion and I fear loosing you so much that I sometimes stay awake at night just to be sure and tell you good morning. I'm afraid that if I fall asleep you'll disappeared then when the pain starts to tear at my soul you carelessly drape your arms round me protectively and mutter a soft "I love you Ryoma". And you know what Sakuno? The simple truth is that **I love you to.**

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please tell me what you think i know it's kind of corny but i hope that you've enjoyed it anyway and that you'l review. 

i know that i have one other story that i haven't continued in a long time but i want to finish it or at least write enough chapters so that when i'll promisse to update i won't brake that promise.

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i don't own prince of tennis 


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